


I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine

by ahoymultiships



Series: Take care of yourself this Happiest Season [2]
Category: Happiest Season (2020)
Genre: Breaking down emotions in therapy, Cognitive Distortions, Gen, I am not licensed to talk about therapy in any way, Nuanced Ending, different ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:29:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27769078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahoymultiships/pseuds/ahoymultiships
Summary: Abby and her therapist talk through the situation, and her decision to say no to Harper.
Relationships: Referenced Abby Holland/Harper Caldwell
Series: Take care of yourself this Happiest Season [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2030818
Comments: 6
Kudos: 45





	I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine

**Author's Note:**

> This could work as a standalone, but also, just know, Abby doesn't go back with Harper. You could also read the previous work for some John sass.
> 
> I talk a lot to my friends, but also sometimes, I definitely prefer my therapist because she knows the exact right words to say. This is a situation I would want my therapist's perspective on, especially if I was planning to propose to said partner.
> 
> Also, this work starts in the middle of the therapy session, because why rehash the entire movie?
> 
> Title by Fiona Apple's Extraordinary Machine. Because making progress in therapy is amazing.

“…You’d be proud of me here. I was so tempted to just say all is forgiven and go back with her, but it didn’t feel right, it really didn’t.”

Her therapist, Erin nodded at her while taking some notes. “I am! And I hope you’re proud of yourself too. You wanted to make a rational decision rather than an emotionally charged one.”

“Exactly, I don’t want to break up with her... okay part of me does, but I mainly want to work through these emotions.”

“Clearly, Harper has her own working through to do, if her instinct is to hide the truth, at the expense of others.”

“…yeah, and also... oh sorry, you were talking.”

Erin smiled at Abby, “No, go ahead.”

“Oh, so her ex, the one who was her first girlfriend, I actually met her, and she told me that the same thing happened with her. So, this does seem like a repeating cycle. But, again, that happened ten years ago, so I don’t know.” Abby knew she was close to a spiral and tried not to start into another panicked statement.

“You’re right in that it would be worrying if this were a habit, but yes, you don’t know the whole story from Harper. Maybe there’s more to it. Also, these two incidents are similar, but also different. Harper was a teenager with the ex. She’s an adult with you. You’ve been dating for more than a year and moved in together.”

“It’s just… the main problem…ugh.” Abby took a minute to put her thoughts in words. “Honestly, I would have been okay with most of what happened if she had told me before. I think. I could have been there to support her. The fact that I had to learn all this information only when relevant, which was mostly after I was hurt by something that happened. It felt to me like I had to be okay with the fact that I was hurt, because her parents are just like that, and her sister is just like that, and so on.”

Erin perused her notes. “We have spoken about Harper not leaning on you before. This explains a little bit more about her, if her childhood was based on proving herself and not showing weakness – that she couldn’t come out to her parents feels like losing to her, compared to your coming out to your parents. That doesn’t make it okay, but it’s connected to her own struggles.”

“…right.”

“So, before this visit, we spoke about an engagement ring. Did it come up?”

“Oh God, no. Okay, well, to be fair, I did think about it. And I told Riley, that’s the girl ex, about it. That was also one of the warning signs, that I had a better time with some random person, with Riley, over a dinner, than I did with Harper and her family over 3 days.”

Abby took out her hair tie and tied her hair back again. She wished that she had something to fidget with. Maybe she should have brought her knitting with her. Or be super lame and find her fidget spinner from that phase three years ago. Well, find it if she’d brought it to Harper’s in the move. Oh, why did she move in so quickly. Now, she had to figure out a new living situa – Okay, one thing at a time, she didn’t need to move out yet. She was taking time to figure out what she wanted to do next.

Abby sighed. Therapy was hard. “It just... it just feels like all my emotions are telling me to run away, that this is danger, that I don’t know her at all.”

“Maybe what happened is a deal-breaker for you. That’s completely okay for you to feel. But, you know, we’re still thinking in extremes right now. You took a good first step by asking for space, instead of just making a rushed decision. Couples’ therapy is a decision you can make, I can refer you to someone or if you’re more comfortable with me, and Harper is okay with it, she can join you on one of our sessions.”

“Maybe... yeah maybe. I still need time to work through it.”

Abby paused. This one still hurt her.

“She told me that I suffocated her. I know now… I think… that she was going through so much that that was her way of lashing out at me, but just... it hurt so much.”

Erin nodded. “You should tell her that. That is a boundary of yours, and you want open communication, and that was not okay at all.”

“Right… right. I did tell her at the gas station, but I guess I should say it again. When I’m ready. And it’s okay that I’m taking time.” Abby knew she was trying to convince herself but saying it out loud in therapy always helped.

“Yes, it’s good to take time and think through it. However, remember to keep your lines of communication open, with John, with the other friend from school, people who love you. Isolating yourself at such a time is easy, but it won’t really help you.”

“Ohhhhh yeah, John won’t let me do that. Did I tell you how great he was during all of this? And since the trip? I’ve said a lot this session, so I don’t remember.”

“That’s okay. And no, you didn’t say much - just that he helped you get unstuck from the situation.”

“Yeah, basically I told him that I was having an awful time, he awkwardly disappeared off the call and then showed up like some valiant knight at Harper’s doorstep. Who does that?” Abby answered her own question. “Good friends. Good friends do that.”

She continued, “Yeah, I’ve told myself now that every time I overthink that he has his own life and doesn’t really care about me, I’m going to remember this. He drove six hours! That’s just… I can’t.”

“That is great. You’re there for him too, in different ways. When he needed help wooing that client who was really into art, you made John that detailed document with artists through the century he should know about. Remember?”

Abby sighed. “I guess that helped.” At Erin’s slight frown, she added, “No, no, I know. It did help him a lot. He told me about it. And I told you about it. I guess, I still consider physical gestures to be greater than anything else, but yeah you’re right, we have a good give and take in our relationship.”

Erin started winding up the session – “Okay, so we had some wins this week. You tried to make the best of a difficult situation you were placed in, and still made good decisions for you. You leaned on a friend to help you both with important things like pet-sitting, and then bigger things like well, all of this. These are all great things!”

Abby shrugged, but she knew she felt much lighter than when she had entered Erin’s office.

“Yeah, that’s true. Even though John killed my fish. I’ll give myself some credit. And as I said before, I am proud of myself for making the decision to not go back, even though it was difficult.”

“You should be! Okay, I’ll see you again in a week, but until then, take care of yourself, have fun with your friends, and I know you said you have a paper to write, so good luck with that.”

“You have a good weekend too, Erin. Bye!”

Abby zipped up her jacket as she left the office, thinking about the closest coffee shop. She deserved a sugary coffee. Maybe a scone.

**Author's Note:**

> The "Good friends. Good friends do that" is a reference to Schitt's Creek. Because I love Dan Levy.
> 
> Please talk to me here! Or on [Tumblr](https://ahoymultiships.tumblr.com)!


End file.
